The Good, The Bad, and The Motivation

Generally speaking, I don't struggle with motivation. Although that may not be apparent, since it's been a million years since my last post... Anyway. When it comes to the gym, I'm usually pretty good to go. Granted, there are days when I'm too sore or tired or whatever, but I'm almost always in the mood to throw some weights around and get sweaty. Now, that being said, there are those times when I need a little fire lit under my ass. Lately, the things I think about to fuel that fire have me wondering if there's "bad" motivation and if so, what the fuck do I do about it?! Allow me to elaborate...

This is also motivating...

You see, there is this chick. She is a distant acquaintance of mine and rarely pops up in life. I could go into detail about how I know her, blah, blah, blah, but it's not really relevant. You know what is relevant? It fucking pisses me off that she's snatching heavier weights than me. And when I have some extra time at the gym lately, I instantly want to work on my technique because it fucking infuriates me that she's lifting heavier than me, and from what Zeus tells me, improving my technique will up my game. I have plenty of other gym amigas that are stronger than me and I have no issues with that at all but for various reasons that I won't share (because I'll sound petty and childish), it annoys the fuck out of me that this individual is kicking my ass in this arena, and I often use this energy to push myself. And I guess that's where I ask myself if it's okay to do so, to fuel my fire with irritation and jealousy rather than rainbows and unicorns.

I suppose I'm smart enough to know that it isn't about other people, and a lot of the time, it really isn't. I'm not going to the Olympics (or am I...?) anytime soon, and my training is for me, for my mental and physical health, for the sake of being my best self. And I'm pretty sure my best self isn't supposed to secretly (maybe not so secretly now) wish that the person in question suddenly can't get under a 45lb barbell. Or if she does, it hits her in the face. Too far? Meh, whatever, you don't know who she is. But I guess my point is that I know better than to entertain this nature of thought path, and yet I find myself going back to it. And it's not a healthy version of competition, it's petty and childish.

But... Yep, there's a "but."

But it does push me at times. There are moments when I think my childish, petty thoughts and then I find a little more in the tank to get it done. And I know that's not how it's supposed to work but the reality is that in those moments, that IS how it works...and it works. And I guess I'm just asking myself if that's okay, if I should allow myself those less than ideal mental indulgences and smash weights, or if I should try to clear my head, be happy for her success, and get back to my own goals, based upon my own success and my own failure. When I spell it out like that, it seems pretty simple, doesn't it? Except it's not, because whether or not I know better, this shit happens. And maybe it's short-sighted but sometimes some short sight works juuuuuuuust fine.

Maybe I'm not supposed to admit that I have these thoughts, I don't know. But I do. And I should also acknowledge that while it can help at times, it can also hurt. If I'm too focused on my irritation, I screw up, whether that means my form is off or I just psyche myself out, and I feel like if I'm saying that it helps me get a barbell over my head on somedays, I also need to say that on other days, it stops me from doing the same thing.

I guess it's all a bunch of annoying human bullshit. And as long as I'm not in that headspace on the reg, maybe I don't need to worry about whether or not I should be having these thoughts. Instead, I'll just focus on my goals. And achieving my goals. Using visualization to achieve my goals. Visualizing success. Visualizing the barbell...in her hands...at her hips...in her teeth...

Sorry, I just couldn't help myself :)

F$*K Average

Just to be clear, I'm only using those stupid symbols in the title in case my mom sees this online and gets annoyed with me, because according to her, I have such an expansive vocabulary that saying fuck is unnecessary. Sorry, Mom. Why am I hating on average today? Before I begin my rant, allow me to say that when I refer to "average," I'm also thinking of words like, "normal." And yes, with that cleared up, I am saying fuck normal and fuck average.

Lately I have found myself in a few situations where I've listened to people discuss varied dietary habits or choices, or workout regiments. What I've taken away from these conversations (with the occasional "conversation" actually consisting of me eavesdropping or social media creeping) is that people are full of shit and often feel like shit, and would like you to feel like shit with them. Harsh? Maybe. In all reality, I could be in an overly dramatic headspace but for what it's worth, I'm giving myself permission because I've got firsthand experience with the feeling-like-shit part of what we're discussing here, and have also been guilty of trying to bring someone into it with me. Having acknowledged that, my apologies to those who have put up with me along the way. Let me elaborate...

For all the times I told you that one bite of pasta or one bowl of ice cream wasn't a big deal, thank you for not telling me to fuck off. For all the times that I rolled my eyes at you hitting the gym on a Sunday while I sat on the couch, thank you for ignoring my patronizing reaction. For all the times I complained about my body and proceeded to do so with some shitty processed food in my mouth, thank you for not deciding in that moment that I was annoying as fuck, and you had better places to be. Because without a doubt, that was a bunch of average-normal bullshit on my part, and incredibly unsupportive with regard to your above-average and better-than-normal goals and habits.

Just some of that above-average shit I'm talking about... And yeah, post-workout selfies count!

Granted, I'm coming at you as a convert, essentially an evangelist for lifestyle change. But having lived a lot of years in the Church of Normal (my metaphors get out of hand sometimes), I'd like to think my perspective is pretty well-rounded. And in all honesty, I feel the need to apologize to those I have shamed for traits that should be admired. Sustaining a lifestyle that involves discipline and structure is something that is not easy and definitely not always fun, but it is the product of wanting more for yourself, of desiring to be better than what "normal" tells you is acceptable. The reality is that normal people are overweight. Average people eat foods that are destroying their insides. Afterall, average refers to the majority, right? And the last time I checked, the majority of North Americans aren't doing so well in the health department. I feel like there's a new documentary every week about all the shitty food we eat and how fat we are, and it strikes me as worrisome that there continues to be more material to draw from.

I get that this might be annoying as fuck to hear about. I know we all chirp fitness people for their FB and IG posts (follow me @serenaastrid for such posts...and pics of my dog), but I've come to realize that these posts exist because it's fucking exciting to feel good about yourself. It's a wicked feeling to walk into a grocery store with hunger, and to walk out with food that will fill you up and fuel your body, without giving you diabetes. It's a rush to finish a training session after the longest day ever, and to know you could have bitched out, but you didn't. Because you're better. Why do we award medals at the Olympics? Because it's fucking awesome to be better. And guess what, the Olympics were around loooooong before spin class or CrossFit, so recognizing that better is better isn't some novel concept.

Now, before you start on me about balance and all that shit, I'm not promoting extreme behaviours that endanger your health or the health of others. But eating some chicken and kale never hurt anyone. And exercising regularly and consistently isn't obsessive behaviour, it's legit behaviour. I'm far from my end goal, and honestly, I'm not sure if I've identified what that is. What I do know is that when I feel good about making a food-related choice on the ferry, when I'm surrounded by burgers and toast and cinnamon buns and whatever else, I'd prefer that it was a choice that was celebrated, rather than having the cashier confirm with me that all I'd like is eggs and salad. Twice. Just in case I forgot that I was allowed to get some white toast with it. And yeah, that's me chirping you for eating some bread, because there are better things you could eat, so why not eat them?

Odds are good I'm only scratching the surface here, and I will likely rant about this in a more detailed fashion in days to come. I suppose I'm just in the mood to give credit to all of the people I know who don't have "just one bite" and who complete their training after a 10 hour workday, and hopefully writing about this can keep me on track to becoming one of these people. I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded by some pretty amazing individuals who are strong and smart enough to not give a shit about what they would be doing if they were "normal," and are instead smashing workouts and eating amazing food that will likely help them live to be a lot fucking older than average.

I guess the gold medal goes to them...

Water Makes You Pee, FYI

Apparently when you start drinking water on the reg, you have to pee a lot...

This post is far from insightful, and I'm digressing from my usual rant that involves a barbell, and either epic success or failure on that front. Instead, let's chat a bit about nutrition, and how water factors in to it.

I'm on a bit of a mission right now, working to sustain solid workout habits, and working to both establish and maintain solid eating habits. Pretty much anyone who pays attention will have observed that I drink what is known as no water. Coffee is pretty standard. Throw in the occasional tea. Water on it's own? Nah. That being said, apparently it's helpful to be fully hydrated. Who knew?! And it's nothing new for me to get chirped endlessly by my friends (specifically Ty & Ky, the "Y" twins) about how little water I drink. In all fairness, they're totally correct, and as such, I feel the need to make a big deal about this shift and give myself a proverbial pat on the back, whilst giving them the proverbial middle finger.

You've likely picked up on the fact that I've been making a concerted effort to drink a lot of water. How much exactly, you ask? I have no fucking clue. Enough that I have to piss constantly. How on earth do people do this? Everywhere I go, I'm on the lookout for a washroom. It's the most annoying thing ever. At this very moment, as I type, my bladder feels like it's going to explode. I legitimately could pee my pants on the sofa, obvs something that Kyla Gagnon would do, for sure.

(At least drinking all the water will make me look even more youthful...hard to imagine, I know...)

I suppose the reason I'm writing about this is that I feel as though it's symptomatic of me making the appropriate changes, and that makes me feel good. It's kind of amazing that feeling as though I may end up peeing my pants as a grown woman is indicative of improving my health, but hey, I can work with that. Maybe once I achieve international superstardom for my weight-lifting prowess, I can also snag a contract with Depends. I can see it now, some amazing marketing extravaganza that combines the latest & greatest in adult diapers with my ridiculously impressive snatch. I'll let you decide if you'd like to have a bit of fun with me discussing adult diapers & snatch at the same time :)

Anyway, that's my latest fitness revelation. Drinking water is part of helping out my body, and keeping it ready for all the lifts I plan on smashing over the next while, and apparently the byproduct of that is existing in a perpetual state of having to urinate. Probs going to have at least one incident, I can feel it already. And by "feel it," I'm referencing feeling like I'm going to piss my pants. Fuck my life...

Token water photo #drinkwater #whatever #peepants

Shit Yeah!!!

Every trainer has different tells when it comes to being stoked for their clients. Mine is pretty consistent. As soon as you hear, "shit yeah!!!" you know you've done something right, and today was a "shit yeah" kind of day!

I know my last post talked about what a lazy fuck I've been lately, but there has been the intermittent workout mixed in, and with that has come a bit of frustration. My frustration has been specific to my clean & jerk, or my lack thereof. Well, my lack thereof when it comes to clean & jerking 105lbs. It's been my nemesis. It goes a little something like this. I clean & jerk 75lbs. I clean & jerk 85lbs. I clean & jerk 95lbs. I don't clean & jerk 105lbs. I try one more time. I don't clean & jerk 105lbs. Actually, not even cleaning 105lbs throughout this disastrous sequence of events. And maybe it doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but it has been legitimately fucking with my head. I over-analyze my technique, I get scared while I'm pulling the bar, and I feel like a giant fucking loser every single time the bar isn't resting on my shoulders. Moral of the story, it hasn't been playing out in an ideal fashion.

Today, I did a partner session, with Zeus torturing me and one of my fave people, NDG (I feel like nicknames are a version of anonymity!). I'm a fan of working out with NDG - she works hard and she's strong, and I always feel motivated around her. She also got me on to this tank top from lululemon that I'm pretty obsessed with, so extra points for that! Anyhow, so we got things going with some warm-up stretches that were oddly tiring and humbling, and then got into some barbell work, culminating in the almighty clean & jerk!!!

Apparently crushing a workout brings out my 4:20 eyes... #highonlife

What happened next, you ask?

I did some work at 85lbs. And I did some work at 95lbs. And it was feeling pretty good. So Zeus had me go to 100lbs. And we had success. Promising, right? I get the barbell racked to 105lbs., and crushed my first attempt at 105lbs., right? Not so much.

First try...fail. Second and third...fail. Fourth? Fucking victory. After taking a moment, as per Zeus' genius instruction, I pulled out a clean - not the prettiest clean - but a clean. And then I got set and smashed a legit jerk. How did I know it was legit? Cuz all I could hear was, "shit yeah!!!" And I was stoooooked! I'm still stoked, as I write this little tale of complete dominance! When I had a shower after training, no joke, I found myself grinning while reliving it in my head. And it was really great having such a supportive crew around me for it, to act like something that might seem inconsequential to many, was the most important things that had happened, if just for a moment. That moment was important, too, because the remainder of the workout made me contemplate suicide. In a good way, of course...

I guess I just wanted to follow up on a post of feeling like a lethargic ass with a post about feeling legit. Today was a good day. It was a "shit yeah!!!" kind of day... Something worth celebrating.

The Aftermath

It's January & Apparently I Think It's Still Christmas...

I suppose my writing of late is a pretty good reflection of my recent fitness habits, as well...

It's funny, people talk about how the holidays can really set you back. Perhaps I was never aware of it because I've never been someone who leads a somewhat healthy lifestyle until the past year and a bit. In all honesty, this was my first Christmas that coincided with a genuinely serious commitment to lifestyle habits, although based on the last few weeks, one could easily question that commitment. In a nut shell, Christmas seems to have brought me the gift that keeps on giving - gluttonous lethargy!

In all honesty, I don't know if blaming it on the holiday season really makes sense. I don't know if I needed a turkey dinner to be my excuse for acting lazy and eating shitty food. And it sure as hell isn't still Christmas time, and the struggle continues. Coinciding with Christmas was a family visit, bringing my parents and brother here for a visit. Paul & I did some partner training, and the result seems be a rediscovered interest in his own health and fitness, a catalyst that seems to have gained momentum, as he's maintaining a great workout regiment, c/o Zeus, and eating strict Paleo with wicked success. My parents also seem to have used our time together to reinforce their continued efforts to evolve their own habits, and they send me little updates regarding their eating habits, and how things are going. Keeping this in mind, it's pretty clear that the holidays don't need to be an excuse to go downhill. In fact, the opposite seems to be happening for the rest of my family (#biofam, not #fitfam), and I don't see why it should be any different for me. And when it is, the fallout is dangerous...

See, when I'm lazy or undisciplined, it's not just the physical results that feel like a punishment. The mental side is a fucking nightmare. I feel like such a loser when I don't have the basic willpower to sustain my supposedly established eating habits, eating habits that are crucial to achieving my health-related goals. And going to lift and then finding that I'm not as strong as I feel like I should be, or my technique doesn't feel right, or I can't clean what I know I should be able to...it all feels disgusting, largely due to the fact that deep down, I know that my habits are creating these problems. There's no great mystery, it's basic cause and effect.

Once upon a time, I used to exercise...

I guess I'm just writing this because I need to make a change, and I'd feel like an even bigger dumb ass if I wrote this and then did nothing. One could also argue that I could be a bit more forgiving of myself, but I find that to be a dangerous line to walk - kindness is important, but so are boundaries, boundaries that come with some form of consequence when you cross them. All of this being said, I'm looking forward to creating an environment of structure over the next week, because while I'd like to think a more general approach would work, it hasn't been working lately. So I'm going to sort my shit out, set some specific goals, work with my people, and be a less lazy, less complacent version of myself.

I know it's cheesy but in all honesty, getting back on track seems like a way better gift to myself than anything I got for Christmas.

Health, Fitness & Holiday Recipes

So in the spirit of fitness/health blogs and FB pages sharing different options for modified cookies, cakes, drinks, and treats, I wanted to chime in with this amazing version of "Holiday Egg Nog" for all of you! I know that we're all looking for recipes that make us feel good & are also delicious!

With this one, it's super simple:
1. Go to your local grocery store.
2. Buy some egg nog. Make sure it has lots of fat in it.
3. Return to your home & pour it into a glass.
4. You have the option of adding cinnamon and/or tasty alcohol.
5. Drink it.

And guess what? It'll taste like what it's supposed to taste like - egg nog...#merrychristmas

I Mustache You Some Questions

Sooooo this is a little different from my usual complaining/ranting/bragging/chirping approach! The lovely Robyn Baldwin threw this my way, in the spirit of all things blog - "I Mustache You Some Questions." Be prepared for some riveting info... #mindblown 

1. Four names that people call me, other than my real name:

• Kolida - token last name moniker
• Rink Dink - I literally don't know how to explain the origins of this one. Okay, yeah, I do. Serinki became Serink became Rink became Rink Dink (c/o a Darth & Kelsey O'Face, shocker)
• Bean - another intellectual evolution. Serena became Serene became Bean. Or something like that.
• SK - initials will get you every time. There is also the occasional SAK variation, usually from my padre.

2. Four jobs I have had: 

• Manager of a Panago #trythatonforsize #possiblywhyiendedupneedingatrainer
• GAP Sales Associate - I lasted maybe 2 months...
• Restaurant & Bar Business Manager - seriously, wayyyyyy more fun than it sounds
• Present-day Realtor Extraordinaire!!! (and basically a personal trainer, but you all knew that...)

3. Four movies I have watched more than once:

• The Switch
• Step Brothers
• Old School
• Talk To Her (foreign film, what's up now?!)

4. Two Books I recommend:

• The Quotable Douchebag
• Half The Sky

5. Four places I have lived: Brace yourselves for a slew of luxury destinations...

• Victoria, BC
• McBride, BC
• Duncan, BC
• Prince George, BC

6. Four Places I have been:

• Cambodia
• Mexico
• England
• Seattle (special in my heart because of Bieta)

7. Four places I would rather be right now:

• Back in Cambodia with the most amazing group of people, continuing the biggest laughs ever had
• Reading endless books on a big, comfy couch with endless pizza being served to me
• Shopping, eating & drinking in New York with my two besties
• Cooking dinner for my favourite people

8. Four things I don’t eat:

• Things that aren't meat
• Liver
• Hazelnuts
• Tripe (the fact that it's an option is just screwed up...) - I also just noticed that I have 2 technically meat items on my list but they're like the incestuous cousins of meat so they don't count.

9. Four of my favourite foods:

• Brazilian BBQ (newfound obsession that pinpoints my love of meat)
• Ice Cream
• Pizza
• Any combination of eggs & hollandaise sauce

10. Four TV Shows I watch:

• Scandal
• The Mindy Project
• How To Get Away With Murder
• Parks & Recreation #treatyoself

11. Four things I am looking forward to next year:

• Greece & Turkey with Kyla!!!
• Yvette & Nick's glorious wedding
• Selling all the houses
• Racking up some legit squats & deadlifts & bench presses

12. Four things I am always saying:

• Eat a dick
• Legitimately 
• Aggressive/ly
• Get fucked

13. Tag 4 people

Kyla Gagnon - Inside Out Fitness Victoria

Rebecca McKinty - Bliss Nutrition

Zeus - Zeke Cabell Personal Training

Darcy Turenne - Filmmaker Extraordinaire

Because this photo always makes me smile, and hopefully this post will make you smile...