Love Yourself For Real

I think I do a pretty good job at coming across as someone who likes themselves. And these days, that's accurate, at least some of the time. But it definitely used to be a lot less accurate, pretty consistently. I suppose learning to like and love myself more, the for-real kind of love, is why I'm writing this, because I know what both sides feel like. And look like. Literally...

Regardless of how fit I have or haven't been throughout my life, no matter the number on the scale, I've faced challenges with being kind to myself with regard to my physique. And in the face of that, I have often maintained that it's not a big deal. Because if it's not a big deal, no one can tell me to do something about it. If I express that I don't care if I'm a bit curvy (which is the word I would use to describe myself because "fat" felt awful...and true), that I have a connoisseur's palate and as such, would rather have a few extra pounds than eat lean protein and vegetables, then I didn't invite advice, no matter how helpful or legitimate. I was too busy having fun with my friends to be at the gym all the time. I was so in love with life, so fulfilled, that nothing needed to change, and I certainly didn't need to change the way I looked. Except I wasn't that fulfilled. Except I did need to change the way I looked. And this is why...

The way I looked was the direct result of lifestyle habits that were unhealthy. Period. I looked overweight (to whatever level you identify with, based on your personal standards). And I looked that way because I was that way. And I looked and was that way because I ate the wrong foods, often in portions that were excessive, and I avoided physical activity as much as possible. And yeah, I get that I'm not exactly a fitness model now and being frank, I still have weight to lose, and that's just fine with me. Because I'll lose whatever it is my body needs to lose (note that I'm focusing on what my body needs, not whatever societal esthetic I've been brain-washed into valuing). Because I am so much healthier than I used to be, and as a result, my body looks different. Am I shooting for a super specific look? Not overly. Am I striving to become skinny? Nope. I want to be healthy. I want to be my healthiest and strongest, and to know that no matter what "look" that produces, that my body is well cared for and prepared to dominate for years to come. Can you imagine if I'm around to write this blog for another 50 years?! You should be so lucky...

I happen to think the sweaty smile is the happiest one!

I personally don't think there is a right or wrong outcome, because individual bodies do not respond to exercise and diet in the exact same fashion. But they will have similar results. As an example, if you consistently squat, your ass will change. I don't know how it will change, but it will change. If you start eating broccoli instead of Doritos, you will have less fat on your body. I don't know where it'll drop from, but it'll drop. And that's kind of the point. Doing shit that's good for your health will make you healthier.

It's funny, there's a lot of discussion about self-love and acceptance of late. I've read a piece online about an overweight woman who has challenged a social media company because they wouldn't let her show her body in a less-than-fully-clothed fashion, even though skinny/jacked/whatever chicks can. And I think she's got a super valid point, in terms of morality and equality and acceptance. People love how much she loves herself, and if I recall, she's on her own fitness journey, as well. Hers, and various other stories, seem to be sparking a lot of conversation about ignoring critics when it comes to being overweight and embracing your body. And that's wicked. I love the idea of promoting self-acceptance and self-care and self-love. But the thing is, loving yourself to me means that you would want to ACTUALLY love yourself, and maybe I'm off-base here (probably not), but I think that would mean taking care of your physical health. If you love yourself for real, there's no way you'd actually want to fill your tank with bullshit food and let extra weight wear your joints down. What about your heart? Your heart is the metaphorical Mt. Everest of love - you can't let Mt. Everest down! Too much? I don't care...

Here's the other side of that coin, the other side of making healthy choices. Your body WILL change. Even if you don't want it to, even if you love every extra pound or inch you had before, your body won't care what you think and instead, will respond to this new expression of love. And it will change. And guess what? If you really-truly-with-a-cherry-on-top love yourself, you'll still love yourself. Because authentic self-love isn't tied to a specific look or size, it's tied to legitimate worth and that worth is inextricably linked to your health. And that's okay. It's okay to say fuck all the people who criticize you for being chubby, and it's also okay to take measures and make choices that impact that chubbiness. You are not caving to the bullshit or pandering to morons who have their own self-esteem issues to tackle, you are prioritizing yourself and letting the results be what they may. Losing weight or getting more fit or eating healthier foods doesn't validate those who criticize people who wear a size 4 or bigger, it validates YOU. It lets you love yourself, no matter what else or who else is out there.

It's good to be reminded that we're allowed to love ourselves where we're at today, at this moment, but to also acknowledge that this love is not lessened by the desire and the action for more. If you love yourself for real, you'll recognize that you also have to take care of yourself for real, and diet and exercise are a very real part of that. I know, lots of "real" in there. But guess what, that's why I'm writing this, because if it isn't real, it isn't worth it.